we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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