How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
