what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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