Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
