you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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