Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Green mimosas i think yes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
