I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
