I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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