I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
