i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
