I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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