I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
