dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
