And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
