So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
