how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
