when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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