There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My penis needs a shock collar
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
