It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
