Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
