saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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