cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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