that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i have herpe
just one?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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