i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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