Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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