Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
