TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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