You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
