I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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