He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
