The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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