dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
