are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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