pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
