maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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