You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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