Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize