You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
