Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
