He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
