May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
