How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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