omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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