Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
