she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
