Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
