spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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