she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
