I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
