you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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