I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
