HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
