The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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