Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
