I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am available for nakedness
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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