textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
