I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
