turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
