this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
