my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
