I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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