youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
