WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
