Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
