I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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