She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize