First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think your dad took our porno
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
